Drowning 
Drowning so deep I just.
don’t know. where I’m going
anymore

Taken by a journey
and its too late to turn back.

Only move forward.

No matter how hard I try
I can’t stop thinking about
the days.
I look back at the pictures
I look back to the past.
And I cry

This time,
its different.

There’s a reason why I can’t slap
yet words don’t slap
they destroy.

My words are an atomic bomb. Never slap. Kill. Torture. Ravage - and I
and I can’t undo the damage 
the damage that is done. 

I stare at what I’ve done. Just stare,
and while he sees indifference
he can’t see the hurt, the pain that hides beneath the screen.

When I try to piece it all back together
how can I expect anyone to take me seriously
how can I expect anyone to think anything of me other than
a liar
a hypocrite.

This time. Its different.
Drowning so deep
Too late to turn back
I can’t stop thinking
And I cry.
Only move forward.

You don’t understand. This time is different.
I fight the storm that pushes me
where no one wants to be.

I fight the guilt, the hurt, the regret. 
I chose my way
a way I was too weak to take.

A road without signs, 
Dark.
No lampposts.
Nothing to guide.
If I fall
deep deep deep
into a hole
that even as I fall
I cannot see.

Words can encourage me
or they can drown me
but in the end
they don’t drag me up, 
that is only for me to do.

I let myself go
don’t restrain
just let go

Pray.

Breathe.
I breathe and look out the window.
but no matter how hard I breathe
I’m broken

No breath of fresh air will piece me back
together. 

Pray that time will heal.

Thrust me down into the deepest hole.
I said I would never give up.
 

Defeated.
Alone.
No words.

No words.
Just me staring at my desk
head in hands
eyes
tears
don’t want to
pour 
my soul
I don’t know.

I listen to the background noise
of what I could destroy
if I open my mouth

Words.
But there are none.

So why do I write on this
blank page.
As I fail to speak
my
thoughts

I don’t know
what
to
I
am
lost.

Lost
in mad darkness.

I am
weak.

Weak 
as a storm
trapped in a cage
where the lightning is 
too soft to hate.

I don’t know.
 

Alone.
I am an immobile stone.
Desperation hits as I
attempt to stop an unstoppable 
storm.

That never ends
that I can't heal

Caused by the
evil workings of a violent world.

The human race has provoked it
as it ravages the beautiful lands
that once existed
in a place now unknown

A world now unknown.

Desperate
we try to find ourselves
fighting against a force that thrusts us
downward.

A force that feeds on
our everlasting blindness.
Ill, we damage the
world around us.

Storms arise
front
back
inside us.

What power do I have against
this mass destruction?

Desperate I work to
fight against 
the blindness
imposed consequence of
this world’s violence

Desperate 
I fight against the 
attack that those
unwilling have 
forced onto
this crying world.

I pick up the dust.
Dust that once made up
the unwavering stone
that fought against the
impossible power
of injustice.

Pieces back together
I look at myself.

Alone
An immobile stone.
I fight against
the unstoppable storm
the force that
feeds on our blindness
the world’s violence.

I have no power against this
mass destruction.

I am dust,
broken by the impossible
power of injustice.

A crying world.

My hope is crushed
I am powerless.
But I will never give up.
 

It pierces.
The pain
The guilt
the pressure.

Like the throbbing
of my head.

The words.

The gentle breeze does care for me,
it really does. 
But ever so fragile as the smallest leaf
i fall 
defeated
to the words
the words of pain
its pain
not mine
but mine

that subtle movement
is a hurricane
that leaf
its cause

it makes no sense
nothing does
but both the gentle breeze
and the leaf
know.

its mine. 
like the throbbing in my head.
 

So this is the handbag I was talking about. I took me around 30 hours to make it and I am so happy I finally finished! I made this with some old jeans, newspaper (on the inside), some scrap pieces of cloth and a strap from another bag. The idea is completely mine, and I practically improvised the whole thing, not knowing much about any particular techniques to use. In fact, my sewing machine does not work very well (or perhaps I just don't know how to use it) so I made the whole thing by hand. Totally handmade! Yes. My fingers do hurt. Well hopefully this was worth the effort and you like it, and more importantly (as I can already guarantee that I like it) that it will be of use and will not fall into pieces on the first day. It seems pretty sturdy, so hopefully my expectations are correct! If you want to read about the process of making it to perhaps inspire you to make one yourself, click 'read more'.